Dr.M's Analysis

Faster then a politician can shoot his buddy in the face during a game of Nintendo's classic Duck hunt, as 2006 draws to a close, its time once again to highlight the most obnoxious, fake and divisive individuals from the proggie movement. Anti-Muslim hate cartoons and attacks on Muslimas separated the Muslims from the proggies in 2006. This year, they fully lent their support to rabid Islamophobes and if there are still some of you out there on whom subtlety is wasted, read this disclaimer before proceeding any further. With that out of the way, let us not tarry any longer.

10) Its a well known fact that the meat market site, Naseeb, is a pretty lame place. Notice they didn't have their little "Naseeb meet up" this year. Less then 400 out of 1200 seats occupied last year. Not exactly a full house. Everybody else was at ISNA it seems. That was in 2005, this year however, it was revealed that Naseeb does not respect its own terms of service. So what happens to those members who are critical of the website? You win the grand prize of having your account hacked and your private information used for all sorts of nefarious purposes. Our good friend, the Swordswoman is in the process of taking them to court for their crimes. Crappy recycled articles, and psuedo-intellectual 40 year old bachelor and bachelorettes aside, if I were Monis Rahman (Naseeb CEO), I'd settle the case in court, and quickly.

9) Then we have Raheel “Hey Canadian media, I’m a “moderate,” interview me already” Raza. Who? She’s a Pakistani socialite living in Canada for the last 17 years. An obnoxious “auntie” in desi speak, a veritable bag of fermenting potatoes with much to say, none of it remotely relevant, unless you count vanity as the yard stick. Apparently she’s such a well known interfaith groupie, no one has ever heard of her. One would assume that a person claiming to represent a faith would have some rudimentary knowledge of it, and Raza has none(rumor has it that she is a member of the Ahmediya cult). Why else would she be a member of the criminal MCC? Why else would Raza come out in full support of Jack Straw’s racist political powerful play against Muslim woman in niqab? Why is she promoting neocon fake sufi Stephan “Suleyman Ahmed a.k.a. Comrade Sandalio” Schwartz’s book on her website? Rather extreme bedfellows for a “moderate,” don't you think? Enjoy those Danish cookies you like so much Raheel, I hear they do wonders for diabetes. Move along, Shamoo.

8) Meet Denmark’s token colored immigrant politician Naser Khader, named after Gamal Abdul Nasser, another failed, forgotten and disgraced demagogue. Has he done anything besides breaking the speed limit and giving the middle finger to his constituents? Sure. Khader created an organization called “Democratic Muslims” using the momentum generated by Anti-Muslim cartoons to put some wind in his stagnant political sails. One problem though, the organization isn’t democratic, nor is it Muslim. This was by design of course, which explains why he rolled out the red carpet for the likes of non-muslim fraudsters, Irshad Manji and Wafa Sultan. Why not just add Big Bird and Tickle Me Elmo to lend some heavy weight credentials? But enough about this loser with a puppeteers pipe dream….

7) The Muslim Canadian Congress(MCC) a.k.a. exiled Pakistani league of Stalinist cockroaches was formed as a group specifically to counter legitimate Muslim civil rights organizations, to muddy the waters if you will. Its other function is to promote the political aspirations of secular extremist opportunists who have no interest or links to Islam or the Muslim community. Recently it fractured into separate factions, no doubt due to the disease known as chronic Egomanicus Immigrantitis. So what have these refugees from a pancake box accomplished so far? Civil rights work? Nope. Distribution of accurate literature on Islam to libraries? Nope. Pro-active community outreach efforts? Nope. Charity work? Sure, as long they are the charity(Who are they funded by anyway?). Support for reactionary anti-Muslim propaganda? Yep. Idiot(s) number 7? You better believe it.

6) Phony Sufis seem to be all the rage these days, or so you would think. Across the Atlantic in jolly old England, a group of fake Sufis formed the “Sufi Muslim Council” to undermine the Muslim council of Britain at the behest of Bliar Labour government. A similar attempt was made a decade earlier in the U.S. with the failed “Islam Supreme Council of America.” The common link between the two groups ? “Sheikh” Hisham Kabbani, the neocon affiliated charlatan hiding behind his clip on beard while doing the tango with the likes of Bush, Bliar and a coterie of vicious dictators like Karimov of Uzbekistan. So much for the “apolitical sufi” act, now I understand why some animals eat their young. I’d like to see this goon spin, and I don’t mean in a “twirling” sort of way.

5) In his search for a new gimmick(donut and hotdog pornography only goes so far) amid plummeting mwu traffic, Jawad Ali had to do something. The Weekly World News tabloid gets more online traffic. The fact that more people are willing to believe that Elvis and Sasquatch are having lunch in Alpha Centauri then mwu’s recycled garbage is indicative of how utterly repungnent this wasteland of an online magazine has truly become. Jawad decided to start stealing fatwas from various websites like Ask Imam, Fatwa bank. He then proceeded to deliberetly misconstrue their meanings, and ridicule the knowledge and credentials of the Scholars. Jawad seems to think that marital relations between husband and wife is rape, I suppose to a putrid, air-polluting disgrace who spends copious amounts of time in a slimy San Francisco bath house, he couldn’t conclude otherwise. The outrageously petty pervert called his little spin “Fatwa of the week,” More like “Fagwa of the week,” if you ask me. But that’s not all, he smeared Ingrid Mattson of ISNA in a particularly demeaning and sexist way. Why? She’s not interested in leading fake salats. Apparently his “concern” for Muslim woman does not extend beyond aging promiscuous harpies on the RAND payroll. Go figure. Of course there’s nothing wrong with being an unaccomplished middle aged, balding, horse faced, brokeback mountaineer flagellating aimlessly like a spineless rodent in the gutter. That’s proggies for you. Do us a favor Jawad, kindly return HIV back to the monkeys.

4) Looking for an example precociously incompetent sycophant and a malodorous, armpit-licking pimple on the face of journalism? Look no further then the neocons favorite presstitude for hire, Mona Eltahawy. Imported from the Egyptian client state, with a recommendation from none other then Paul Wolfowitz, the vile judeofascist war criminal, known for his fondness for loose yet ideologically subservient Arab woman(just ask his Saudi girlfriend). Eltahawy is major proponent of the pro-regressive shahada, “A Muslim is anyone who claims to be one.” Essentially you’re a Muslim if you fancy biryani and baklava. I guess she came up with that while munching on her first E.Coli laced burger, thinking herself an American from then on. Eltahawy’s one dimensional articles are awful, yet music to the ears of the Islamophobic choir she caters to. Just do a search on her and find out yourself. The harridan knows which side her falafel is fried on. One particularly disgusting article proclaimed that “911 was good for the Muslim world.” Why? Because this was her chance to cash and claim to be a representative of the community. Quran desecration? Big deal, “it’s just a book.” Are you terrified of the niqab? “Well, me too!” Try finding any criticism of neocons and the war against Iraq in her columns, when you won’t you’ll understand why she’s syndicated. Eltahawy has also discovered that Arab media practices censorship, but only after being fired from a third rate Saudi paper. Great timing, but I guess a 40 year old bimbo going on 16 has to maximize her earnings and work both sides of the fence. Lets also not forget the she’s the obligatory “democracy advocate.” Right, might as well expect the hunchback of Notre Dame to sit up straight. A common line she often uses is “As a Muslim, a woman, a feminist, an Arab..,” I don’t think even fans believe that one. Well Ms.Eltahawy, as a non-pro-regressive Muslim not for sale, and someone unimpressed with hucksters with one foot in the media, the other in a neocon brothel, you ought to be beaten senseless with the broom you rode in on. If there were any standards left in journalism, you’d be mopping the floors over at the National Inquirer with a leash around your neck.

3) 2) 1) The year was 1989. The Berlin Wall came down. Millions celebrated and the Tom Cruise of the Pro-regressive bowel movement, Tarek Fatah, the demented, snake-eyed plague of sighing and grief, and flea-infested hysterical mass of warbling punjabi inanity suffered yet another set back in a blockbuster career of uninterrupted failures. I’m not going to waste time and space recapping every detail of his heart-sickening plot less melodrama of an uneventful life. Ever since he conned his way into Canada 18 years ago, he has been unable to win even the most insignificant political office. His attempts to sound like a 1940s Englishman are particularly pathetic. Rumor has it that his FOB name was “Tom Dollar.” If you ask me, this radioactive hippo isn’t qualified to lick a stamp sideways. 2006 witnessed the greasy, gooey, stale gulab jamooney, glyceriny, gutter gestating goofball’s full transformation into a neocon lapdog (to which communism is the common gateway drug) along with shameless efforts to promote himself by playing victim to fake death threats with grave warnings about the phantom menace of “Islamism.” A Green Day poster is not a death threat. People disagreeing with your dirty politics do not constitute a death threat. Being named last year's top idiot is not a threat. So what do most people do when threatened? They call the cops and lodge a report. Fatah never did so, knowing full well that filing fake police reports is a prosecutable crime. But of course we know there are real death threats, and then....there are “death threats,” used by many an anti-muslim media whore.

In reality, Fatah’s sudden “moderate muslim” martyr complex was the result of him switching political parties from the NDP to the Liberals. Then came his “resignation” from the sock puppet MCC (he didn’t even cite death threats in his resignation letter, instead claiming he needed the time to work on his “memoirs” and work for Liberal party politician, Bob Rae). Rae came in third confirming T-Fat’s political midas touch. Ever the gracious loser, Fatah then went on a tirade about how “Islamists” had cost his candidate the nomination. Right, anybody who doesn’t vote for your way is an “Islamist.” Any wonder why this charlatan is so wildly unpopular? Did I mention that he opposes religious education for Muslim girls? Hmm, sounds familiar....Bet you didnt know that he and Irshad Manji were the original founders of the MCC.

Well T-Fat, commemorating your second straight year as the top pro-regressive idiot( in fact the top 3 this year) and in the spirit of the new year, let me just say: maybe you wouldn't be such a Jerk-In-The-Box if you didn't have an intellect rivalled only by the Village Idiot's stupider brother, if your weren't so grossly fat that you have to put your belt on with a boomerang, or if you didn't have a face like a boiled Octopus. To put it mildly, you are an egregiously subliterate oaf and a debauched, gossip-mongering cesspool of putrid effluvium. Try not to be on the list next year, creep. Who am I kidding, you'll probably snag all ten spots o repugnant, nose-picking glob of grease.

Labels: Ahmed Nassef, Amina Wadud, Asra Nomani, Hisham Kabbani, Michael Muhammed Knight, Mona Eltahawy, Naser Khader, pro-gressive Muslims, progressive Islam, raheel raza, Tarek Fatah