Sunday, December 10, 2006

Flatulence at Forty thousand feet

Flatulence brought 99 passengers on an American Airlines flight to an unscheduled visit to Nashville early Monday morning.

American Flight 1053, from Washington Reagan National Airport and bound for Dallas/Fort Worth, made an emergency landing here after passengers reported smelling struck matches, said Lynne Lowrance, a spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority.

The plane landed safely. The FBI, Transportation Safety Administration and airport authority responded to the emergency, Lowrance said.

The passengers and five crew members were brought off the plane, together with all the luggage, to go through security checks again. Bomb-sniffing dogs found spent matches.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal body odor, Lowrance said. The woman lives near Dallas and has a medical condition. ( Crohn's or Ulcerative Colitis perhaps? She could have played it off by pretending to be a metal head with a lighter in her hand. ).

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane.( Profiled for breaking wind )

"American has banned her for a long time," Lowrance said.

She was not charged but could have been. While it is legal to bring as many as four books of paper safety matches onto an aircraft, it is illegal to strike a match in an airplane, Lowrance said. ( Why are matches allowed on a plane? What, American Airlines doesn't provide toothpicks to its passengers? Perhaps its a way of comparing match stick collections? )


I can imagine the headlines if the passenger was a Muslim : Nefarious Mooslim terrorizes plane with deeply embedded g(ass) bomb." Unless you're on any meds, a great way to stave of the simmering and fermenting gaseous stew in the gluteal furnace is to take a activated charcoal capsule. Its always a good idea to take a low dose aspirin pill(prevention of pulmonary embolisms) while flying. Finally, a well deserved tip of the hat to my erudite comrade Felix for pointing out this most important news story. Thanks for adding to my travel anxiety, player. Now I can't enjoy desi or Mexican food and share the spice(in sublimated form) flying the unfriendly skies.

3 comments:

Irzan said...

a good one doc! i had always thought about how do you fart comfortably in ur seat without having to go to the toilet hehe. activated charcoal helps, now, does it.

and what about aspirins can help against preventing embolism? maybe the anti-aggregant property? but isn't it too late when you have pulmonary embolism - it's too late to save ur life anymore?

and can i please comment using my wordpress account :p

DrMaxtor said...

Irzan, you can comment using any account you want, I don't know if you can use the wordpress log in though.
As for preventing pulmonary embolisms, the aspirin would thin the blood and reduce the chances of bubble formation or a renegade thrombus after an extended period of stasis in the passenger seat. I'd rather take my chances with that then look for someone to perform a pulmonary angiogram or V/Q scan on the spot, lol.
One way to cut down the risk of unloading a stinker would be to eat less(avoid hot spicy foods before or during the flight) and drink plenty of water. Theres no fun flying anymore.....

Faraz said...

This is a very amusing story. I found out about this quite quickly, since it was a colleague of mine who identified the woman as the flatulator. I've never met this colleague, but our company is huge and word travels fast through our company directory - we all travel a lot so amusing travel stories go around all the time. This particular one is going down in the record books. :)