Sunday, November 05, 2006

The DrM guide to voting

In the current political climate I don't believe voting can accomplish much if anything. However, I vote simply because I'm not a lazy, apathetic, corpulent jackball. Change cant happen if morons are watching "Dancing with the stars" and "American idol." That being said, I have a number of changes I'd like to propose to fix the system :

1) Voting is mandatory for every citizen. If you don't vote, kiss your heating goodbye.

2) NO electronic voting. Forget the trees, PAPER VOTES only.

3) ONE term only. No career politicians. No Joe Liebermans. No Strom Thurmonds.

4) If you're pro-war, you must enlist in the army to make your vote count.

5) Literacy tests : if you don't know the issues and fail the test, your vote is turned into a paper airplane and slammed into a trash can.

6) All PACs lobbying on behalf of foreign governments are outlawed. No dual-citizenship with any country, particularly those whose name starts with an "I" and ends with a "srael."

7) If you're an evangelical(who may or may not like a backrub from poofters for hire) trying to trigger armageddon by funding terrorist states and illegal settlements, you're barred from voting for 5 years and raptured straight to Gitmo. Halleluyah indeed.

8) Standardized salaries for all politicians(48k per year before taxes sounds reasonable). No pay raises.

9) If you oppose stem cell research, you don't get to vote and your health care is revoked, followed by a complimentary beating from Michael J. Fox. Pro-life = Pro-stem cell research.

10) ....and finally, if you weigh over 300lbs get on my diet plan or we raise your taxes.


altaf said...

funny ;-) --- but serious --- i like this plan!

M. Shahin said...

"4) If you're pro-war, you must enlist in the army to make your vote count."

Right on! Loved this plan Dr. M. Take it across America....

Hot Lemon& Honey said...

I wish there were more people reading your blog, can you comment on the UAE community blog, I would like many of the people there to read your posts.
Good Job :)

Safia speaks said...

You must be kidding?

Why would anyone vote, when the fun is getting to power yourself???

Muslim Apple said...

I like electronic voting, it's all I've ever known except when I went as a kid with my mother and they had the incomprehensible booth and lever system.

Safia speaks said...

BTW, check out this link from Danish newspaper about Hilary Clinton´s re-election:

Maybe you don´t read Danish, but just look at the picture....hello AIPAC!

DrMaxtor said...

Jazakallah Khair everybody. Hot,Lemon&Honey you can refer or posts links to this blog in the UAE forums.
Electronic voting machines can be hacked and given the number of troubles we've had over the years I've had my fill of them. Hard paper trails are the way to go.

21st Century Kashmiri Nomad said...

if you weigh over 300lbs get on my diet plan or we raise your taxes.

Dr.M. it seems that American is dying under its own weight literally. Obesity is rampant I think that over half the U.S. population is considered clinically obese.

I believe that Americans are more likely to be killed by the fat around their waist-line then they are by terrorist attack. Which do you think they are more afraid of ?

Maybe it will be wise to have a "War On Fat" as well as a War on Terror.

merizaanna said...

assalamualaikum drm,

i love your blog. very direct. sorry drifitng away from the topic here...

anyway, i was reading your dietary tips and i find them real great, although pretty much quite difficult to do in a country like mine -malaysia. (yeah you know how we asians are - rich food, spices, etc).

one thing though, i notice about us asians (living in asia), i think we tend to eat a lot (rice for breakfast lunch and dinner), but do you see many obese people around? has the western lifestyle (apart from food) also got to do with causes for obesity?

perhaps a long topic for you to explan. but hmmm... i always wonder.

anyway it'll be great if you can comment. western food is a pricey in malaysia, so i cut down on eating altogether (taking some herbs and fibre thingys to cut down on the appetite). i am no medical doctor, i just hope what i'm doing is right.

DrMaxtor said...

Waliakum Asalam Merizanna,

Glad to hear that someone actually finds this blog useful. Regarding diet, western eating habits are part of the problem but that is a long post to dealt with sooner then later inshallah.