Saturday, December 31, 2005

Top ten pro-regressive Moslim idiots of 2005

2005 is nearly over, and in the spirit of cooperation and spreading good communitst vibes I've put together a list of the most obnoxious, fake and divisive individuals from the proggie movement.

10) Jawad Ali of the MWU poofter division slandered Muslim Fest amongst other Muslim themed events which didnt cater his pro-regressive nonsense. Ali claimed that there was a lack of female participation when in fact half of the organizers were woman. This act of decepetion lands mwu's resident fruit at number ten.

9), the online desi meat market aka a website for outcasts by outcasts tried to steal some of ISNA's thunder this year by hosting its own "meetup" at the same time. It didnt go as planned with the "meetup" failing miserably. In true pro-regressive fashion Naseeb ran an vicious and factually incorrect article in its vibes section titled "ISNA thugs" written by some tool named "Umbreen Shah." It also appeared on mwu. All this, while neocon ratfinks were slamming ISNA as well. Don’t even get me started on Irshad Manji and Stephen Schwartz’s articles. This act of petty partisanship and nepotism lands and its bigwigs at number nine.

8) Exiled and deported Iranians in an act of political transvestitsm have now become "human rights advocates." We all know that communists with blood stained hands make great human rights activists don’t we? Many of these heavily accented green card fame seeking Ahmed Chalabi wannabees are not content merely with peddling misinformation on woman’s rights in Islam but also building a bipartisan consensus to launch a war against Iran with neocon blessings ofcourse. They worked hand in hand with pro-regressive slimeballs against allowing Muslims access to religious arbitration to settle disputes, which was already available to Jews and Christians. Comrade Stalin and Chairman Mao would no doubt be proud with having the Arjomands, Darabis, and hordes of other exiled criminals and charlatans holed up in the west at number eight.

7) Mohja Kahf, MWU’s resident pornographer is quiet these days. I guess the shock value of writing crappy articles which would normally make the grade at Hustler wore off. Or perhaps it’s the cancellation of HBOs “Sex and the City” which Kahf admits inspired her in the first place. I suppose she’ll have to steal what she can from “Desperate housewives,” till something better comes along which leaves her at number seven.

6) Muhammed Ali Hasan, the calamity of birth known as the manchild behind “Muslims for Bush,” aka “Corrupt Pakistani Charlatans for Bush” normally would not make this list. I would not give him the attention he so desperately craves. What makes him number six is not that he was zero credibility, or that he set up a pro-Bush booth at ISNA 2004(which was rightfully vandalized), but the fact that he authored the worst possible article on titled “Stop Blaming Bush” for the unacceptably slow response towards the Hurricane Katrina tragedy. Even Naseeb’s sheep found the article insensitive, insulting and devoid of facts. But that’s not all. Hasan could not even muster up the courage to criticize his hometown congressman( Tom “anti-immigration” Tancredo) for Islamophobic remarks. How great would it be if Hasan was sent to Iraq, I can only imagine the words he would have for Dubya then.

5) Michael Muhammed Knight, unlike many of his peers can actually write, but it’s a real shame that he doesn’t put it to good use. Knight comes off as a deeply conflicted soul not knowing what he wants or what to do, spending time with pseudo-Islamic cults like the “Nation of Gods and Earths.” He insists that he isn’t a pro-regressive despite what the URL to his blog states, or the people who he hangs out with. He makes the list for his filthly words against the Prophet (pbuh). Normally this would secure him the number one spot, but we have to remember that the jerk isn’t a Muslim to begin with. Did I mention that Knight has collaborated with the likes of Islamophobes like Ibn Warraq and Ali Sina? He claims this was done inadvertently. In light of numerous shenanigans at ISNA as well as impersonating Ibrahim Hooper from CAIR, I just don’t believe Mr.Knight and sincerely hope someone tosses him back in the dumpster he crawled out from.

4) A lot of words come to my mind when I hear the name Asra Nomani : clueless, patronizing, bitter, but above all a LIAR. Already known for her friendship to slain reporter Daniel Pearl, Nomani decided that she wanted to boost her profile even more by making demonstrably false and misleading statements about the Morgantown masjid. The unrepentant adulteress ran for a position on the masjid board and pulled a Nixon when she realized she couldn’t win. Bitter and angry, she starts making claims of inequality at the masjid in addition to citing that her daddy contributed financially to the masjid. Oh I see, so that means that whenever I cant have my way at my local masjid, I can make ridiculous demands, phony claims and even drag a camera crew there because I stuffed a few dollars in the donation box. It’s this sort of convoluted logic which places the disgusting Nomani at number four. If only RU-486 was available in Pakistan…..

3) Amina “the Quran gives me the ability to say no to it” Wadud is many things, obscure academic, race baiter and munafiq extraordinaire, but what put her on this list is leading phony Fridays prayers in a desperate attempt to put pro-regressive Moslims on the map. For a group known its cavalier rejection of the Sunnah of the Prophet(pbuh), it was odd that they would use Hadith, and a weak one at that to justify their innovation in religion. If that wasn’t enough, they went on to claim that a scholar from Al-Azhar supported this act which turned out to be false. Praying for show did get media attention, all 30 seconds of it, gleeful endorsement from ignorant non-Muslims and those who don’t mean the community any good. It may have boosted their profile for a brief period, but to Muslims around the world, this little publicity stunt merely confirmed that these people were munafiqs. Female led prayers are rejected by all sects, schools of Fiqh, scholars and pretty much anyone with a brain cell or two who see it for the aberration that it is. With a swift kick in the kaboose while in ruku we lauch Ms.Wadud into the stratosphere at number three.

2) The snake oil salesman of the pro-regressive bowel movement and MWU supremo Ahmed Nassef is a busy man. The mendacious masri has spent the last few years desperately trying to sideline established Muslim civil rights groups with outrageous claims and misinformation. With his multiple appearances on FOX, CNN, MSNBC and other highly impartial news outlets, Nassef has claimed that CAIR is conservative (defending civil rights is conservative?!), that masjids harbor extremists and pretty much any load of horse manure which is music to the ears of Islamophobes. Universally disliked to the point where some have referred to him as Dajjal ( Nassef continues to publish shallow crappy articles on MWU, even asking pointers from Cheryl Bernard, the author of the infamous RAND corporation report calling for the fragmentation of Islam. Who could possibly top this candidate for an involuntary lobotomy? Who else but..... ……

1) ……......the Brad Pitt(scroll down to read the interview) of the pro-regressive movement. None other then Tarek “I’m Tarek Fatah” Fatah. Why is he our numero uno idiot? Simply because Fatah represents what the pro-regressive Moslim movement is truly about : aging and unaccomplished sub-marxists and virtual atheists from third world countries with a life long inferiority complex and a desire to be accepted, even at the cost of the religion which they don’t believe in. Fatah is infamous even among his own as a notorious egomaniac and control freak. Thanks to him the PMNUA was shattered in less then a year with resignations all around( that’s a good thing mind you). Maybe he wouldn't be such a Jerk-In-The-Box if he didn't eat all those paint chips and lead pencils when he was a kid, if he weren't so fat that buildings bounce when he hauls his sumo wrestler mass down the street. Yeah I know, that’s real mean and all…but I really cant say anything nice about a charlatan who is working hard to make Canadian Muslims second class citizens, denying them equality under the law afforded to other religious groups. Mr.Fatah, in the spirit of Christmas I’d like to express this from the bottom of my heart : You are a piteously lecherous sycophant and a frightful, enema-addicted festering boil on the butt of humanity. You are an egregiously insufferable plebeian and a gluttonous, nostril-offending mutilation of decency. You are a precociously witless mouth breather and a belligerent, all-defiling deplorable calamity of birth. Other then that he's a swell guy. Try not to make the list next year curly.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Free Ipods ?!!?

Yeah, its for real. Definetly NOT a scam. Click it already dummy.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Executing Tookie

I'm actually for the death penalty, but cant reconcile myself with the fact that in America, it is determined more by race then by the actual crime. This doesnt mean Tookie should have been let go. What I dont understand is why let a guy be on deathrow for 26 YEARS only to execute him?
Then theres the pro and cons. People for Tookie dont seem to understand that writing childrens books cannot wipe someones slate clean. The Crips are responsible for the murder of thousands of people, and Tookie was one of its founders. Murder is murder, and thats not something which can be swept under the rug.
The kill-tookie crowd are the ones responsible for much of publicity surrounding the case, starting with a pair of racist neanderthanls on the AM dial with their distasteful "kill-tookie hour." I saw a heated debate on Larry King between Mike Farrel and jewish extremist Dennis Prager(of "5 questions for the Muslim world" fame). Like the typical mentally deranged zioNAZI Prager compared Tookie to Nazi war criminal Adolf Eichman while attempting to bully guests who did not agree with him. I wonder if Prager would compare the jewish terrorist who murdered a 12 year old Palestinian school girl with 17 bullets to the Nazis. I didnt think so. In the end, it didnt stop Tookie's execution. Who in their right mind would expect the Terminator to grant clemency? The debate on the death penalty will go on, but I cant shake the feeling that if Stanley "Tookie" Williams was white, he would be alive today and maybe even free.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Honest Interviews : Tarek Fatah

Imagine if Tarek Fatah got some sodium pentothal in his martini and gave an honest interview.

DrM : So, I see you’re dressed up for the interview….a little flamboyant wouldn’t you say?

TF : This is my limited edition Elvis Presley costume…its worth a small fortune.

DrM : Yes well, its value has probably depreciated with all those stretch marks on it..

TF : That’s the point…I’m talking about Elvis in his fat stage…

DrM : Sure. Lets start with your organization, the “Muslim Canadian Congress.”

TF : Well, its easy to start your own organization in western countries, especially if you espouse the sort of Islam which they feel comfortable with….

DrM : In accordance with the RAND report perhaps…

TF : Uh….thats a coincidence. You see, we progressive Moslems believe in the illusion of inclusion, harmony with neocons, spreading good communist vibes…

DrM : …and eating a lot of peanut m&m’s…

TF : Exactly. ……Hey! Low blow man…

DrM : Not low enough. So how big is your organization ?

TF : Well, right now we’re about 4 members strong and operating out of my son’s treehouse. I’m planning on moving our base of operations to the garage soon.

DrM : Yet, you claim that other Canadian Muslim groups are not representative of the community, despite their extensive record of protecting civil rights etc. This sounds a lot like of Ahmed Nassef’s words despite evidence to the contrary….

TF : Uh well….they’re conservative and …uh

DrM : How is it conservative to defend civil rights ?

TF : uh…why’re you asking me the hard questions ?! I’m not used to this!

DrM : This aint FOX news, curly. No softball interviews here. So essentially, your group is largely a non-entity with a website.

TF : That’s the cool thing about the web…we can make up all sorts of fancy names to give the impression that we’re some heavy duty players. But we have been active in the community.

DrM : You mean the use of "Shariah law" in Ontario courts?

TF : Yes. We hooked up with any group which was either ignorant or Islamophobic enough to say to no to religious arbitration.

DrM : You did not oppose religious arbitration when it was passed into law in 1991…

TF : Well…uh..thats when Jews and Catholics were using it…

DrM : So they can use it but Muslims cant…

TF : Dude, I would have looked like an anti-semite if I opposed it before…..

DrM : ....and you worked alongside groups which have clearly expressed anti-Muslim sentiments. Hardly a thing any REAL Muslim organization would do I suspect.

TF : Look, I got a lot of friends in those groups, like the workers communist party of deported Iranians etc…..they may hate Muslims, but they like me and I can live with that. We used to party a lot back in the 70s when Marxism was very chic.

DrM : Tell me more about your activities in the 70s.

TF : Well, I cant remember much ….we were getting wasted back then. We were mostly immigrants, without personalities or talent, and we just wanted to party, experimenting and such…it was all a stone filled gas, man…

DrM : Yeah I’ll bet, snorting cup cakes with Ahmed Nassef must have been groovy…

TF : what?

DrM : Nothing….Your group also supports same sex marriage correct.

TF : Yes we do.

DrM : Yet you wrote an article back in 2003 for mwu where you clearly stated that homosexuality isn’t compatible with Islamic belief, and you’re still cool with same sex marriage?

TF : Look I just said that to get media attention….do you realize nobody knows who I am ? How else was I supposed to make it known that Tarek Fatah has arrived? The only way to get some free PR and acceptance is to lower the bar….

DrM : The lowest common denominator….So would you be cool if your daughter was homosexual?

TF : HELL NO! I’d beat the gay out of her. No son or daughter of Tarek Fatah goes in that territory. No way to gay! No way to gay!

DrM: Man, you are so conflicted. You don’t have split personalities do you ?

TF : That’s not funny….

DrM : Cant take a joke? I’ll bet you’ll take an order of fries…

TF : You bet I will…with hot sauce.

DrM : I was being sarcastic. Tell me what else you’re up to.

TF : Well I’ll be making some noise in the media about Hurricane Katrina, and those behind it.

DrM : behind it ???

TF : Yes, it is my position that this disaster was not natural, but a diabolical plot by conservative-Al-Qaida-wahabist-Osamites.

DrM : ……….go on….

TF : I believe they all jumped into the sea together to raise water levels to the point where it submerged New Orleans.

DrM : Now I know you’re on crack. That has got to be the most absurd and stupid thing I've ever heard. You cant be serious.

TF : Laugh all you want, it’s all written in the “Protocols of Wahab.” It’s all a part of the great international Wahabist conspiracy theory.

DrM : And who came up with this…

TF : My dear right wing friends at Free Republic and other friendly neocon contributors.

DrM : Now I can see why so many people left the PMNUA. You’re nuts, curly.

TF : They couldn’t handle my stuff…those pikers. They used to say call Einstein crazy as well…and look what he accomplished !

DrM : Why’re comparing yourself to Einstein? He was a scientist and you’re…

TF : I’m Tarek Fatah dammit!

DrM : Its time for Asr, lets pray.

TF : I'll take a rain check.

DrM : Any particular reason why?

TF : I usually dont pray unless theres a camera around and the imam is a woman.

DrM: Then you must rarely pray...

TF : Correct

DrM : I'll do my Asr after you leave, I dont think it would be accepted anyway with you in the congregation.

TF : Whatever, I'm Tarek Fatah.

DrM : …so what other shenanigans are you up to..

TF : I’m going large man, Hollywood, comedy…sky’s the limit.

DrM : …and how do you plan on breaking into Hollywood?

TF : My strategy is to offer myself as an expert on Islam, sort of like a consultant.

DrM: I see, do you have a degree from an accredited Islamic institution?

TF : Nope

DrM : Speak Arabic?

TF : Not a word.

DrM: Ever been involved with the Muslim community at the grass roots level?

TF : Nope

DrM : Whats the first letter of the Arabic alphabet?

TF : Hey! You trying to make me look stupid?!

DrM : I think you’re doing a marvelous job of that on you own Tarek. Now that we’ve determined that you’re no expert on Islam then any other deplorable opportunistic schmuck….

TF : I look ethnic enough and I got an accent you can cut with a knife…that’s good enough for Hollywood.

DrM : Trust me, you’re not going to make it Hollywood squares, let alone Hollywood. I know I’m going to regret asking this, how about the comedy aspect of your routine?

TF : Ok, check this out..I’m sunni, my wife’s shia, what does that make our daughter?

DrM : …I don’t know, what?

TF : Sushi!

DrM :………………….

TF : ……………………

DrM : ………………….

TF : What?

DrM : I’d tell you not to quit your day job, but I’m afraid you don’t have one.

TF : Whatever man….I got mad skillz yo…

DrM : ….you claim that you were beaten up by religious extremists when in college back in the 1960s.

TF : Yes absolutely, I was fighting for gender equality on campus which infuriated the fundamentalists.

DrM: Sure it had nothing to do with you going around extolling the virtues of Chairman Mao during the lunacy of the Cultural revolution?

TF : eh…that’s beside the point. I’m Tarek Fatah..I was fighting to end gender apartheid and…

DrM : How exactly were you going about ending “gender apartheid” ?

TF : I decided to use the ladies restroom to end segregation. For this act of defiance I was beaten up by a mob of fanatics.

DrM : Independent reports say that girls were heard screaming….

TF : They were screaming for joy!

DrM : But you weren’t once the students and faculty decided to feed you concrete…

TF : Then there was the time I was holding hands with a female student to….

DrM : From what I’ve heard, you grabbed her hand despite her turning you down for a date.

TF : It was all going so well until…

DrM : Her brothers showed and took care of business.

TF : …damn thugs.

DrM : Ok Tarek….we’ve confirmed that you indeed are a phony. No background in Islamic studies, civil rights etc, yet you go around pretending to be the voice of the Muslim community…

TF : But I have a TV show!

DrM : So does Irshad Manji. Furthermore, your rhetoric and actions clearly place you in opposition to the wishes of Canadian Muslims. Take him away gentleman (door opens, 2 midgets step in)

TF : Hey, let go of me! What is this!?!

DrM : We decided to have a little historical re-enactment of your college days.

TF : You cant do this to me! I’m Tarek Fatah !!! You’ll boil in hell for this!

DrM : And I’m DrMaxtor, in third person mode ending yet another farce of an honest interview…..(Fatah is dragged out by the ear, but manages to escape hitching a ride on an ice-cream truck). No proggies were harmed during the interview.